How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
I'm both gender and math confused
Randomize
