I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
