He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Pants are for mortals
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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