You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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