Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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