My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
