Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
my vag is so smooth its legendary
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
Randomize
