I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
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