I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
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