There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Randomize
