Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
