Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
