and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Randomize
