No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
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