Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
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