Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
