His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
soo... how was my night?
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
