so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
