i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
she pinky promised me she was 18
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
