i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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