thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
