I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
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