So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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