Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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