i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
