i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Randomize
