WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Randomize
