Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
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