Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
