the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Randomize
