the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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