When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
i just google imaged poop.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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