Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Randomize
