A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
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