Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I have tasted many bathrooms
Randomize
