dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Randomize
