I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
