ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Randomize
