Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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