i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
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