my vag is so smooth its legendary
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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