Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
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