i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Randomize
