did you get engaged???
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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