i can't believe i had my finger in that
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
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