just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Randomize
