i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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