so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
