One girl and one boy is just not enough.
It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
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