And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
