Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Randomize
