Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
We left an ass print on the piano.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
