I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
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