It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Randomize
