I like my sex mixed with concussions.
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Randomize
