me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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