I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Randomize
