I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
