I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
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