rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
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