I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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