Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
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