Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
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