i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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