Please, let me fuck your mom
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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