Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
