using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
