I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
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