I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Randomize
