Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
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