Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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