Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
i just google imaged poop.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
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