you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
