smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
