i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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